11.03.2004
The Assholes of the World
My list of assholes of the world. At the end of the year I just might have to fix an election for an "Asshole of the World" yearly award.
This is in sort of order, with the biggest assholes up front.
1. George W. Bush - No explanation necessary. Just his ineptitude in catching Asshole of the World #2.
2. Usama ibn-Ladin - So I use a unique orthography. Shut up and kill the bastard, whatever he is called. My hometown was attacked three years ago. I want his fucking head on a platter so I can give him a good old Mussolini Headkick. He should have been dead years ago. Fuck Bush. It took us less time to kill Hitler.
3. Dick Cheney - Duh.
4. Richard Ashcroft - Duh. I could just list the whole administration. And I will.
5. Colin Powell - He's wellmeaning, but a lapdog. If he had any power we would be kicking butt in Darfur, which would be most righteous.
6. Bill Clinton - He let Rwanda happen.
7. That asshole who parked in my spot today. I had two sleeping girls to schlepp through the parking lot today. Read the numbers on the spot, asshole.
8Condaleeza Rice - I've got a Ph.D. in Russian Studies too, but I don't make people call me doctor. Except my wife and mother.
9 Donald Rumsfeld - ugh
10. Curt Schilling I thought you were an asshole before you supported Bush. Take your damn tampon sock and shove it up your ass with your two world series trophies you lucked into. Fuckface. (But a good pitcher, dammit.)
11.Brent Skowcroft; 12. Ronald Reagan; 13. George Bush Sr; 14. Oliver North, 15. G. Gordon Liddy My righteous anger goes back a long way. And Reagan gets a postmortem vote, because his corpse is still stinking.
16. George Allen; 17. Gilmore; 18. Virgil Goode. Mustn't forget my Virginia roots. When you listen to Virgil Goode talk, you can't help but thinking "God, that man's dumb."
19. Mitt Romney - Why do Republicans have stupid names like Mitt? He spends less time in Massachussetts than Bush spends in the White House.
20. Cardinal Law; 21. Cardinal O'Brien (I think that's his name, he's got some Mickey Finn name)I'm not a Catholic, but damn I'd be pissed if I was one. First they look the other way when their priests start diddling boys. Then they close up shop all over Boston. The local church down the street closed, and my wife, who is a papist, has no more home church. The new church she has to go to is not in our neighborhood and has no parking, and no shuttle from on eto the other. The old church was SRO, so who knows what the fuck they're going to do in the new one.
22. That Asshole CustomerI still am pissed off about this one customer who came in, about eight monthes ago, and chewed me out because I did not count his change out to him. Who the fuck counts out change. Get over yourself, midget.
23. That Asshole Jaywalker in West Concord So I almost hit you while backing up! Don't yell at me, use the fucking crosswalk.
I'm going to end now to listen to the concession speech and eat my shoes.
Feel free to add to this list, which I would like to reach a hundred (easily).
My list of assholes of the world. At the end of the year I just might have to fix an election for an "Asshole of the World" yearly award.
This is in sort of order, with the biggest assholes up front.
1. George W. Bush - No explanation necessary. Just his ineptitude in catching Asshole of the World #2.
2. Usama ibn-Ladin - So I use a unique orthography. Shut up and kill the bastard, whatever he is called. My hometown was attacked three years ago. I want his fucking head on a platter so I can give him a good old Mussolini Headkick. He should have been dead years ago. Fuck Bush. It took us less time to kill Hitler.
3. Dick Cheney - Duh.
4. Richard Ashcroft - Duh. I could just list the whole administration. And I will.
5. Colin Powell - He's wellmeaning, but a lapdog. If he had any power we would be kicking butt in Darfur, which would be most righteous.
6. Bill Clinton - He let Rwanda happen.
7. That asshole who parked in my spot today. I had two sleeping girls to schlepp through the parking lot today. Read the numbers on the spot, asshole.
8Condaleeza Rice - I've got a Ph.D. in Russian Studies too, but I don't make people call me doctor. Except my wife and mother.
9 Donald Rumsfeld - ugh
10. Curt Schilling I thought you were an asshole before you supported Bush. Take your damn tampon sock and shove it up your ass with your two world series trophies you lucked into. Fuckface. (But a good pitcher, dammit.)
11.Brent Skowcroft; 12. Ronald Reagan; 13. George Bush Sr; 14. Oliver North, 15. G. Gordon Liddy My righteous anger goes back a long way. And Reagan gets a postmortem vote, because his corpse is still stinking.
16. George Allen; 17. Gilmore; 18. Virgil Goode. Mustn't forget my Virginia roots. When you listen to Virgil Goode talk, you can't help but thinking "God, that man's dumb."
19. Mitt Romney - Why do Republicans have stupid names like Mitt? He spends less time in Massachussetts than Bush spends in the White House.
20. Cardinal Law; 21. Cardinal O'Brien (I think that's his name, he's got some Mickey Finn name)I'm not a Catholic, but damn I'd be pissed if I was one. First they look the other way when their priests start diddling boys. Then they close up shop all over Boston. The local church down the street closed, and my wife, who is a papist, has no more home church. The new church she has to go to is not in our neighborhood and has no parking, and no shuttle from on eto the other. The old church was SRO, so who knows what the fuck they're going to do in the new one.
22. That Asshole CustomerI still am pissed off about this one customer who came in, about eight monthes ago, and chewed me out because I did not count his change out to him. Who the fuck counts out change. Get over yourself, midget.
23. That Asshole Jaywalker in West Concord So I almost hit you while backing up! Don't yell at me, use the fucking crosswalk.
I'm going to end now to listen to the concession speech and eat my shoes.
Feel free to add to this list, which I would like to reach a hundred (easily).
Comments:
Hey, I'm not a democrat! I'm a died in the wool socialist.
And I happen to like Air America. But I do blame them for instilling me with a false sense of hope this week.
I am trying to find some more obscure assholes. This initial list is pretty obvious. I did leave off some choices becaus eof time constraints: Paul Wolfowitz, Yassar Arafat (I only have a day or two to add him), Karl Rove, the asshole who would not sell me beer with an out of state licence (i'm 32, a father of two, greying, pudgy and a doctor, dammit!), my in-law's neighbor who must have throat cancer or something, my fatherinlaw who said that now we can kick some ass in Iraq, etc.
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And I happen to like Air America. But I do blame them for instilling me with a false sense of hope this week.
I am trying to find some more obscure assholes. This initial list is pretty obvious. I did leave off some choices becaus eof time constraints: Paul Wolfowitz, Yassar Arafat (I only have a day or two to add him), Karl Rove, the asshole who would not sell me beer with an out of state licence (i'm 32, a father of two, greying, pudgy and a doctor, dammit!), my in-law's neighbor who must have throat cancer or something, my fatherinlaw who said that now we can kick some ass in Iraq, etc.
